I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
