the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
