I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
