Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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