I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
