call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize