there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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