she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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