She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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