new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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