...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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