Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
