I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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