Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
