When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
