They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
