Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
