I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize