If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
