So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
