how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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