Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
