You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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