i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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