No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
