does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
