i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
