Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
