We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
