idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
