hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
