Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
