The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
