Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
