im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
