Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
