Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
