you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
There was a lot of him and a little penis
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
