Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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