New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
