Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
