My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
