Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
