sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
