If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
