I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
