wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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