Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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