You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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