thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
