i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
