The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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