Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
